by John Neupert, LCSW
Recently I had a very sad moment when I got in touch with a close friend who lives out of state. When I called I said to her, “considering what has been going on how are you doing?” I should have known better as she replied ‘‘I am not doing so well.” This opened the door to a very painful conversation. She was going through a painful divorce, which included an affair and loss of job among other things. She had kept some early childhood abuse and her troubled 25 year marriage to herself until it exploded.
I always feel bad when I lead the Genesis group and I see people in pain. It was even more so when I talked with my friend, but I am glad I did. Pain and break-ups go hand in hand; sometimes for a long time.
My favorite self help book of all time is M. Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Traveled.” His first sentence in the book starts out, “Life is difficult.” This is a great truth; one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult.”
His first chapter is “Problems and Pain.” Those of you that have gone through Genesis have often heard me say that the pain we suffer from our loss begins to dissipate when
we take charge of it and say no mas. It begins to wane when we start to talk to it and recognize it can’t hurt us anymore if we don’t let it.
Relationship breakups bring out unfinished business in our lives. I can’t help but think of what might have happened had my friend told someone about her early life abuse or about the sad journey her marriage was taking and then had gotten some help. We have at our command a multitude of means to fight pain. Use them if pain is still hanging around.