Going through a divorce or the breakup of a significant relationship is draining. You can be zapped of your physical, emotional and psychological energy –not to mention your personal identity taking a real hit. Frequently people jump into any relationship that comes their way in hopes of reclaiming a sense of, “I’m ok. No problem.” Some people feel a need to jump back into another relationship to avoid loneliness. Some people struggle with finding their way in the social world now that they are single so they grab on to anyone to help them find their way in this new world. And some are anxious to get back into the dating scene just to experience what sex with someone new is going to be like. These are just a few of the many reasons people leap into a new relationship after a break up.
What is unfortunate is that jumping from one relationship to another without a break in between can rob you of the opportunity to learn how to be single. After all, being single really is an acceptable lifestyle that can be quite freeing. Being single allows you to learn a lot about yourself. After the break you can rediscover what activities you really like or things you always wanted to do but gave up on behalf of that past relationship. It is also a good time to explore what your values and beliefs are or how to deal with your time now that no one is making demands on you.
Any relationship is time consuming, whether new or established, and requires a great deal of energy to build or maintain. Could you consider putting off dating for a while to give yourself an opportunity to get back on your emotional and psychological feet again? Being newly single is a good time to build your social community so that when you do decide to date again you will have some friends to help you stay more grounded during the early stages of dating –the time when we can be a little “crazy” in love.
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