Change

There are lots of words in the English language that stand out, are more powerful than most, or strike a strong reaction inside of us.  “Change” is one of the biggest.If it weren’t for change you probably wouldn’t be reading this column because change, in this case a relationship breakup, pointed you in the direction of Rebuilding at Bethel.

I am sorry that you have to go through this but I am glad you decided to explore what our program is all about.  Change is about many things in this case and here are

some things about change that you may find helpful.First of all change is a battle between what the intellectual side of us tells us versus what the feeling side, or our “gut” tells us. They are often at odds which causes discomfort, anger, depression, frustration, confusion, and a host of other feelings.  A common example might be a breakup in which a partner has had an affair and you find out about it through a friend.  In dealing with it you experience a lot of hurt and most likely angry feelings; often feelings of devastation and betrayal.  Nevertheless your feelings tell you that despite this “I still love her/him.”  Your intellectual side tells you this isn’t appropriate, “look at what this person did to me”, the act and lying about it are unacceptable.

In group, others may have experienced the same or similar experience and encourage you to move on after all “we did.”  Often the victim may say “I want to,” or “I should, but I can’t.”  What is happening here is that change is beginning to happen whether the individual is aware of it or not.

Change is a process.  Whether it was chosen or it was thrust upon us it has brought within us another powerful word – pain.  The next question may likely be “when will it go away?” Pain is similar to anger.  We don’t like it, we don’t want it, but it tells us where we are and is an indicator of how far we have progressed in the process of “movin’ on.” Pain is inevitable in a breakup no matter who initiates it.  Change occurs and pain diminishes when we learn to take charge of it. When the intellectual part of us takes charge and  it becomes stronger, things begin to make sense, then the feelings which bring up the rear follow.

More often than not I can tell when a person is progressing by listening to them talk-often knowing they are changing  before they do. Through the group process of Genesis, the educational process in the Rebuilding class, and the aftercare process found in Movin’ On or counseling, change can become exciting because it involves the most important, interesting, and fascinating person in your life –you!  Working hard to climb the mountain becomes a reality.  If your not there yet stick with it, it’s worth it.  You are worth it.